A Loyal Friend

You are always there when I need you
You are never scared of what to do
When I'm sad, you hold my hand
You make me glad, you understand

You never turn on me
You would never break my heart
You have always told me you love me
From The very start

You always give me hugs and kisses
While we cuddle in the dark
You make sure I get my wishes
That come straight from my heart.

I'm writing this to let you know
You're a great loyal loving friend
I will never let you go
we'll be together til the end

Smile [=

Everyday is a new beginning
Don't give up as long as the sun is shining
you can do it... stand up!
Face the world smiling

Every tears in your eyes
every cloud in the sky
every year that will pass by
is always a blessing in disguise

Seasons may change
People will too
Situations will be at worst
But smile, don't forget it, burst
Like the sun that gives you energy

A priceless gift from God
If it willl be given to everyone
Surely a person will find their "one"

Past to Present

So today I decided to post a very personal blog.

I'm still deciding if I want to just go into full details or not? But starting when from when I was born I had a pretty good family home. It was my brother, my sister, my mom, my dad, and I. We we're spoiled because my parents wanted us to have the best no matter what.


When I turned around 15 was when everything for some reason just went straight downhill. My father started to be controlling. Mainly towards my mother. It started off with emotional/verbal abuse. My mother was always strong, so she just shrugged it off and just got used to it. My brother was 19 then so he wasn't around enough to really notice and my sister was 17 about to graduate so she was busy most of the time. It was just me and I felt alone so I secluded myself from everyone except my bestfriend but she couldn't do much but be there for me <3.

When I was 16 I thought nothing could get worse, but it did. My dad started to physically abuse my mom. It eventually turned into him phsycially/sexually abusing me. Since my home life was so bad I ran to anyone else who would care for me or atleast I thought cared. I was in this really horrible relationship because the guy wasn't any better than my dad. It wasn't as bad phsyically but when he got mad about any little thing, we fought. From all of this conflict I became very depressed and suicidal. I used to cut myself, attempt to commit suicide, the whole works. Now during this whole time I was going to church but I just blocked out everything, but my youth pastors wife always noticed. So one day when I was about 17 she let me stay with her for the weekend and I broke down and told her everything. She talked with me and gave me different bible verses to help me; The two I remember most are:


"Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)


"Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation." (Psalm 91:14-16)



After this I begin to go to church more consistently, I got rid of my boyfriend, and I left home more often to be around positive people. I also had a therapists for a while, which helped me not to be as sensitive as I used to be which is why i'm more on a "fuck you" type mode nowadays lol. Moving along my mother came to church more often than me and she did get the strength to finally leave my father and move on when I was 18.

I've always hate a very strong hate towards my father and now I'm sure you can all understand why. I'm proud to say that I do still communicate with my father, now. I actually spent Father's Day with him and he didn't say some stupid shit to me. I'm a stronger person now because I've overcome alot in the past and I'm proud that my present is where it's at. I'm also proud of myself for typing all of this out and not crying or anything. I give all of my thanks to my lord & savior, my youth pastor's wife, and my bestfriend Julie. <333

Life...

Is A Surrender;
And breathe on the hope for those who do not understand, the existentialism of my mind.

Is Underestimated;
By the entire world. The feeling of potential is present, but still hard to find.

Is Cramped;
By the security of those, in which my time of day should not ever be served.

Is Hollow;
Inside myself, I have never felt like my happiness would ever feel so undeserved.

Has Indecisions;
On the plans of which I should put into action, and the ones that I shouldn't do.

Is Self-Manipulation;
I treat myself unfairly, only to help all the others around me, push on through.

Is Like A Lone Wolf;
My spirit animal. I walk the plains of life by myself, I meet many, but I never take anyone home.

Is Inspired;
By the quality of life that exists. I want to rearrange the world, help society back into tone.

Is Foolish;
Are my thoughts. I can not undo the inevitable. What shall be, will be forever.

Is Ending;
What would I have learned when my time has come? I will know nothing! and I'll be at the end of my tether.

Good Music/Bad Music?

Helloo love muffins <333 Welcome to my first blog. Isn't it so exciting?
Ok but anyways for my first blog I'm going to address the subject of music. One of my playlists are playing now as you read. ----->

Moving along I want to address the whole "Hip Hop is Dead" issue. First of all, who are you to determine if it is or not? Secondly, there are so many lame rappers you can't say one person killed anything. I'm also annoyed by all the people who tell me Hip Hop is dead but their favorite artist is Lil Wayne or Gucci Mane. Are you fucking kidding me? If Hip Hop is dead I'm sure you're keeping it that way! Don't criticize the whole Hip Hop community if you're making it worse or not contributing. All I can say is Hip Hop is what it is.

Into more details; I'm sure half of yall are probably thinking, "what? Lil Wayne's the best rapper alive!". Newsflash he's not. Lil Wayne is always high and drunk talking about nonsense that I don't want to hear. His voice disgusts me. And can we say D.O.A. stop it "weezy". Then to make it worse I have no respect for him! If you're a gangsta ok be that, but that fake shit is stupid. This boy went to an arts school and plays the guitar; that's gangsta right? And he's a blood who wears blue that makes sense too huh? Get the fuck outta here.He should of never started acting like he was hard and it wouldn't of bothered me so bad. And Next is Gucci Mane. Like truthfully I have no words for him. Listen to him! Like my friend said, his music makes my IQ drop. Gucci Gucci Gucci Gucci, OK you like Gucci stop with that foolishness because you're apparently not going to get an endorsement deal - just saying.

My point is that there's nothing wrong with listening to artists who aren't as mainstream as others! Most of them are better and actually rap about something or they can actually sing. A good list of rappers would be: Jay-Z, Lupe Fiasco, T.I., Talib Kweli, Common, Drake, Tech N9ne, Wale, etc. Oh and let me make this clear. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with listening to rappers who don't talk about anything becuase I listen to Soulja Boy sometimes; I'm just saying it becomes a problem when you call them the best rapper or act like they're music is just greatness.

[Part 2! Co-Written!]

Most people that know me personally recognize that I’m an opinionated person. I’ve been called a “know it all,” “biased” and many other unflattering descriptive nouns, and I can honestly say most of my deepest convections deals with music; specifically hip hop music.

What frustrates me more than anything is a dim-witted comparison. Nas open up a sort of Pandora’s Box when he proclaimed Hip-hop was dead. Unfortunately for me this Pandora’s Box contained hours of debate and argument about Hip-Hop. Everyone who listens to rap, like any other form of entertainment, has their favorite’s artist. But this Pandora’s Box also held dim-witted comparisons and arguments. Who’s the best MC? Who’s the best MC alive? These are questions that derived from Pandora’s Box and it’s safe to say most of them are asinine.

Lil Wayne is not the greatest rapper alive. He might be your favorite but he’s not the greatest, I’m very sorry to disappoint. That’s not to say he isn’t a good rapper and I’m not trying to insult anyone’s preference nor am I picking on him or his fan because I’m sure they don’t care about my opinion anyway. I say it just to demonstrate the dim-witted comparisons that were a consequent of this great hip-hop debate. The reason Lil Wayne isn’t the best rapper alive is because people like Nas and Jay-Z are still living. Sure Lil Wayne has had a nice career but he isn’t doing anything that hasn’t already been done; therefore, he becomes overrated when you rate him next to the greats.

That’s just one dim-witted comparison but believe me there are many more. Popularity does not equate greatness, and greatness does not equate popularity. Just because you’re the most popular rapper doesn’t make you the best rapper, it’s a clear difference, especially when dealing with art. I still maintain that true hip-hop is an art. It’s what separates rap from other forms of Music; the lyrical flexibility is something that you really don’t see in other forms of music. R&B is in a way constrained by its own art form. Therefore, saying someone like Young Jezzy is a better rapper than Raekwon is idiotic. Yes, Jezzy is way more popular, but seriously none of his albums can compare to Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, really it not.

But that’s just my 2 cents.

-Ender