Past to Present

So today I decided to post a very personal blog.

I'm still deciding if I want to just go into full details or not? But starting when from when I was born I had a pretty good family home. It was my brother, my sister, my mom, my dad, and I. We we're spoiled because my parents wanted us to have the best no matter what.


When I turned around 15 was when everything for some reason just went straight downhill. My father started to be controlling. Mainly towards my mother. It started off with emotional/verbal abuse. My mother was always strong, so she just shrugged it off and just got used to it. My brother was 19 then so he wasn't around enough to really notice and my sister was 17 about to graduate so she was busy most of the time. It was just me and I felt alone so I secluded myself from everyone except my bestfriend but she couldn't do much but be there for me <3.

When I was 16 I thought nothing could get worse, but it did. My dad started to physically abuse my mom. It eventually turned into him phsycially/sexually abusing me. Since my home life was so bad I ran to anyone else who would care for me or atleast I thought cared. I was in this really horrible relationship because the guy wasn't any better than my dad. It wasn't as bad phsyically but when he got mad about any little thing, we fought. From all of this conflict I became very depressed and suicidal. I used to cut myself, attempt to commit suicide, the whole works. Now during this whole time I was going to church but I just blocked out everything, but my youth pastors wife always noticed. So one day when I was about 17 she let me stay with her for the weekend and I broke down and told her everything. She talked with me and gave me different bible verses to help me; The two I remember most are:


"Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)


"Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation." (Psalm 91:14-16)



After this I begin to go to church more consistently, I got rid of my boyfriend, and I left home more often to be around positive people. I also had a therapists for a while, which helped me not to be as sensitive as I used to be which is why i'm more on a "fuck you" type mode nowadays lol. Moving along my mother came to church more often than me and she did get the strength to finally leave my father and move on when I was 18.

I've always hate a very strong hate towards my father and now I'm sure you can all understand why. I'm proud to say that I do still communicate with my father, now. I actually spent Father's Day with him and he didn't say some stupid shit to me. I'm a stronger person now because I've overcome alot in the past and I'm proud that my present is where it's at. I'm also proud of myself for typing all of this out and not crying or anything. I give all of my thanks to my lord & savior, my youth pastor's wife, and my bestfriend Julie. <333